Thursday, July 27, 2006

Check this one out - Random Musings

There were two nuns.

One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It was getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It’s logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It’s not working!

SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank the lord you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down........

And those of you who thought it would be dirty, Pray for forgiveness.

We never change, do we ?

Friday, July 21, 2006

Fur Is Dead - Ralph Lauren Goes Fur-Free!

Ralph Lauren, long recognized as a leader in fashion, is now also a leader in compassion after announcing a precedent-setting decision to no longer use fur in any of his apparel or home collections, based purely on ethical grounds.

The Polo Ralph Lauren Corporation had been considering eliminating fur from its lines for some time and finally issued a statement making its decision to go fur-free official after a series of meetings with PETA during which executives viewed grisly undercover video footage of fur farms in China, where more than half the finished fur garments imported for sale in the United States are sourced.

Shortly after meetings with PETA in February and March 2006, the company committed to pulling all fur from its shelves.

“Fur has never been an integral part of our design strategy …,” said a Polo Ralph Lauren spokesperson.

“We are publicly announcing this decision because the use of fur has been under review internally and we feel that the time is right to take this action.”

For more info on this article, click below link...

The Horse And The Chicken

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.

The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.

He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.

The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Your First Time

It's your first time.

As you lie back your muscles tighten.

You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.

He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.

You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.

He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.

Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.

He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.

He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist.

After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled out

For those of you who had sex and orgasm in their minds - shame on you !!

Don't worry your time will come !

Friday, July 07, 2006

What An Arse !

The mood seems to be low nowadays........

So we need things like the below one now and then…

Hence with due goes.......

Musharraf wanted to raise money for his country, and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However at the local auction, the going price for was very high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper: MUSHARRAF’S ASS SHOWS

Mian Sahib was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.

His wife was so upset with this kind of publicity that she ordered Mian MUSHARRAF not to enter the donkey in another race.

The paper headline read: WIFE SCRATCHES MUSHARRAF’S ASS

This was too much for WIFE. So she ordered MUSHARRAF to get rid of the donkey. Mian Sahib decided to give it to BENAZIR.

The paper headline the next day read: BENAZIR TAKES MUSHARRAF’S ASS

Followed by another on the next day: NOW BENAZIR HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

All the opposition leaders got very upset at this kind of publicity. They informed Benazir that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for Rs.500.

Next day the headline read: BENAZIR SELLS HER ASS FOR Rs. 500

This was too much for the veteran opposition leader, Nawabzada Nasrullah Khan, so he ordered Benazir to buy back the donkey lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free.

Next day, the headline in the paper read: BENAZIR ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The Nawabzada was buried the next day and Pakistan got rid of the biggest Ass it had produced in the bargain.

Have a good laugh, and when any worries pops up....... just think about the worries others have to face..... even when they have to make a small decision

Good day..

Paris Hilton - Random Images

Paris Hilton manages to get into the news, someway or the other

Most cases she seeks it, but this paris hilton photo is a real bummer

No wonder, Paris is a hot stuff with search engines..

Unfortunately, sand getting into jocks or bikini are common stuff at the beach.. but scratching a crotch in the open.. and that too paris hilton.. poof ... thaaat was a mistake..

Another lesson both in traffic as well as what not to do for sexy celebs.

Information Tags Only

Technorati Tags: my space paris hilton buzz paris
paris hilton photos paris on the beach celeb pictures

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

The Judge And The Old Woman

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned.

Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?

She again replied, "Why yes, I do I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women and one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge told both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks that bitch if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry arses in jail for contempt."

Now how is that..

Happy 4th Of July

It may be hard to believe how times have changed in the last 100 years.

For example 100 Years Ago,

The average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven.

Only 14 percent of the homes in the United States had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was ten mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the twenty-first most populous state in the Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

The average wage in the U.S. was twenty-two cents an hour. The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2500 per year, a veterinarian between $1500 and $4000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the United States took place at home.

Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason, either as travelers or immigrants.

The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

Drive-by-shootings-in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy-were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was thirty. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families.

Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered yet. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

One in ten U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Some medical authorities warned that professional seamstresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm, hour after hour, of the sewing machine's foot pedals. They recommended slipping bromide-which was thought to diminish sexual desire-into the women's drinking water.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores.

According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."

Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine.

Punch card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census.

Eighteen percent of households in the United States had at least one full-time servant or domestic.

There were about 230 reported murders in the U.S. annually.

I like the sexually aroused bit... just imagine if a lady says she is in stitches meant that she felt horney!! Besides, Coca Cola must have had highly devoted customers !!

Just think of above, when you are down and out

Wishing you all a Happy 4th of July….